you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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