Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
