best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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