I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
