She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
