I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
