my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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