my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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