Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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