matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
