You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
