things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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