i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize