so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
