the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
