i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
