Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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