he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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