do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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