just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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