where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
