dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
