Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
