Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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