I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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