so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
