I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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