I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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