Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
