Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
