Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I wish I only lived at night.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
