Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize