We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
