I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
