i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
