Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
