If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
