I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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