can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
