Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
