you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
