So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
