she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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