you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
