There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
