Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
