She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
