I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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