we're blogging at a bar
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
