It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
