You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
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