either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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