Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
