8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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