only if we run a train.
done.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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