and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
This is the high leading the old right now
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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