I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
There are leaves in my underwear?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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