Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
