Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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