Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
