You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
