I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
