I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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