how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
