yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
