Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
So squirting runs in the family.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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