normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
