i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
