hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
