They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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