you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
