Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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