her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize
