I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
