Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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