I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
