I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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