we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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