i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
