Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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