I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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