Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
