FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
