There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
