3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
