Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize