Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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