Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My vagina is very pro this idea
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
