Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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