That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
