yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
is that a dick in a sweater?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize