I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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