these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I think my fart just growled at me.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
