Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
